Anne’s (not her real name) Story

My younger son Colin (will be 26 years old in Dec) decided to move down to Durban to make a fresh start. He is now dependent on himself and his own decisions but initially had some help regarding accommodation from his late dad’s brother and sister-in-law.

He has also found a job as a waiter at a decent restaurant and apparently will be sharing new accommodation from the beginning of May. I agreed to help him financially for 3 months only, so my final monetary assistance ofR500.00 will be in Aug. (I have also told him that any money he can expect from me in the future may be in my will – if there’s any left)!

He has sent me about 3 short sms’s since he left. I keep my replies short and from time to time get further info from his brother and sister. (We all live relatively close together). Colin’s decision to move and take responsibility for his own life to the extent that he has, is a huge relief to me. His brother, sister and her husband and teenage children emigrated to Australia.

I have also put the investment flat that I own in Northcliff on the market and it will be on show so my older son (who is 40 years) will have to find alternative accommodation once it’s sold. I haven’t been getting a market related rental/income from that flat for almost 3 years because I felt obliged to accommodate first the older then the younger son when both their lives were in a mess.

When I joined the ToughLove group briefly, I really was at a low point and felt abused emotionally and financially by both my sons. I do believe that I had a wake-up call when listening to all the group members at the first meeting I attended and the encouragement and support for one another was amazing and much valued and appreciated.

I’ve had to make a decision to become more assertive, emotionally, with regard to my relationship with my sons and that has been a huge learning curve for me. So, as the situation which caused me to reach out to ToughLove for guidance is gradually beginning to ease and become more positive for me, I want to say thank you – once again.