The TOUGHLOVE®  Organisation  and Program

What is a section 21 Company?
These are companies that are registered to provide services and
do not intend to make, or to be judged by, the profits that they
make. These "Associations Not For Gain" are often funded by donations
and foreign funding. Generally they provide services to various
"communities" such as children's feeding schemes, organisations that
take care of AIDS orphans, religious and charitable organisations etc.

Why we use a section 21 Company?
It fits with our mission to provide services to the families who are
being disrupted by abusive behaviour of our loved ones.  It is run and
coordinated by “parents’ who have “been there”.

What is the cost and how long will it take?
Annual membership of TOUGHLOVE® costs R180, which includes a
manual at the 3rd meeting. There is also a charge of R10 per person,
per meeting. To be effective, you should count on a minimum of 6 weeks.

How can I help my troubled loved one?
By starting a TOUGHLOVE® program you will learn techniques and set goals
with which to arm yourself for the future with your problem person and
the rest of the family.

 
Am I the cause of their problem?
Never, while they will often use this as an excuse you will quickly learn
that they made their own decisions for which you are not responsible.

 
Can I stop my loved one from using?
By starting a TOUGHLOVE® program you will soon start to put boundaries into
the home.   By changing your own behaviour it’s possible that they will change

theirs.

 
How do I learn to say no?
Once you are strong enough, and with the help of your group, you make changes
on a weekly basis in your behaviour towards your Problem Person.  You learn the

concept of 'enabling', which in essence means that by continuing to accept or

cover up for their bad behaviour you are actually delaying the healing process.

 
Where do I go for help?
The website has a list of the groups throughout the country.

 
How do I extricate myself?
The TOUGHLOVE® program will eventually get you to a state where you can
function with or without your Problem Person’s recovery.  You never stop
loving them but you learn to be less affected by their unacceptable
behavioural characteristics.  This change is also likely to be felt and
respected by your problem person who may then ask for help.

 
Who will benefit from TOUGHLOVE®? 
Firstly yourself, and certainly the other members of your family, who have
in all likelihood been affected by this problem.  By changing your behaviour
you could effect a positive change in your problem person.