Jane’s story

 

 

Who was this abusive, unwashed stranger, screaming obscenities? He looked like my loveable, charming 16-year-old, son but that was the only similarity.

 

I found out that my son was smoking dagga only when he had no choice but to confess just how much trouble he was in in. While admitting that he had stolen goods to buy dagga, that he owed a drug dealer money, and that he had dropped out of school, he steadfastly maintained that dagga was not harmful or addictive.

 

How do you start to unravel this mess? What did I do wrong as a mother? Where do I go for help? Overall, I was overwhelmed at the mess my son had made, and was still making, of his life, and why hadn’t I known.

 

I was so lucky to find the ToughLove group, who help families cope with unacceptable behaviour from whatever cause. The group is made up of families in similar situations, not professional councilors, so it was such a relief to talk to people who really understood my situation and their love and support got me through some really bad times. The biggest thing I learnt from Toughlove was that I really was not helping my son by protecting him from the consequences of his actions.

 

ToughLove did not solve my son’s problems but it gave me the knowledge and coping skills that allowed me to restore some sort of normalcy to our home. Allowing natural consequences to follow my son’s unacceptable behaviour, helped him make the decision to return to school and to stop using dagga. He has a long way to go but has made a good start, and I feel better able to cope with his ups and downs.

A typical ToughLove parent’s tale

Date: posted July 25 2007

Our main contact no:

0861 868 445