Anita  Bosman

Randburg Tough Love coordinator

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7 years ago, my mother was diagnosed with cancer and given two months to live, I was

not in a very good place at all.  Then my sister- in law informed me  my niece (whom I

adore) was on drugs, well I thought;  I cannot save my mother  but by God I would help

sort out my niece. 
 
Someone suggested TOUGHLOVE®.  My first meeting was a disaster; I could not believe

any parent could be so nasty; they obviously did not love their children as much as we

did. We decided that they did not know what they were doing, we could do this on our

own, and after all she came from a good home, not a dysfunctional family like those

people!

Well things got a whole lot worse; my niece had opened a can of worms, and my son’s bad behaviour deteriorated.  They were drinking and the two were smoking dagga regularly, my middle son was not getting anywhere with his life, first he wanted to become a computer programmer, and then a pilot, the list goes on and on.  We spent lots of money and still no qualification, he kept making excuses and blaming everybody else for not accomplishing anything.

I realized I needed help, I was starting to really dislike my children, and I thought that

maybe those people at TOUGHLOVE® had the right idea; maybe they loved their children

enough to do these very difficult things in order to help them.  I decided to give them

another try.

That was seven years ago, since then I have faced my youngest son being expelled from university and my eldest son nearly dying from the effects of alcohol abuse.  At my

support group I found the strength, help and advice I needed, after all they are dealing

with the same or similar problems to mine.

I realized that love is not given unconditionally, but in fact it is about teaching them to

take responsibility for their actions.  When they feel the consequences of their bad

behaviour they will hopefully want to change.

My youngest son now works with his father, its hard work and long hours but he  has

learnt to appreciate that he has a job and is responsible for his life.  My eldest son has

not had a drink in 2 years.  I know its early days and I have no control over whether he

drinks again or not.  My niece has been clean for 6 years.

My middle son is still a problem but thanks to TOUGHLOVE®, (a working group where I

set goals and am working towards fulfilling them with the help of the group) I am

stronger and more able to cope with life’s challenges.

The best advice I can give anybody is to educate yourself and to find a local support group. 

 I am now involved with this wonderful organization and help other parents as I

understand what they are going through.