Stories / Case Studies

Samantha's (not her real name) story

Hi TL

I just wanted to let you know that I miss TL meetings and all of you, however as you all know I was in the process of opening my own retail store and am open on Wednesdays from 10h00 – 19h00 and this means I cannot make Wednesday night TL.  The business is settling nicely though and I am hoping I can leave the closing up on a Wednesday night to one of the managers in the near future.

 A quick update on home life – my son was with his Dad up until last week when Dad's girlfriend kicked him out because they found dagga under his bed, he seems to not be doing any cocaine or kat because we don't see any of the telltale signs on his skin and he has put on a lot of weight where usually he is skeletal on the hard drugs but his Dad said they also had to stick to their boundaries because they said absolutely no drugs in the house.  Although they are all heavy drinkers and my son has clearly over the past year replaced drugs with alcohol.  

So last week Friday he had absolutely no where to go besides perhaps a park bench in Rosebank he has exhausted all possible avenues of support in family and friends, he has no one left to call.  So my husband and I decided to allow him to move into the cottage at our house that has no access to the main house.  Most of the family said we have lost our minds to allow him back into our lives but it was very difficult for me to let him sleep on the street and that day may still come but for now I wasn't quite ready to let that happen.

I am managing to keep very firm boundaries though thanks to ToughLove and I am not prepared to ever let our lives spiral into the chaos that it once was.  My son actually commented the other day and said:  Wow Mom you have a really busy life hey and you seem so happy too.  So he is well aware that he is no longer the centre of my world and I have managed to piece my life back together without him in it.  This may sound a bit shocking to some but it is true and the fact that I can even say that my son is no longer the centre of my world is a miracle in itself.  I love him and do care and always hope that he can lead even a semi-normal life but the biggest change is the change in me and the decisions I take for my own life:  I choose to not allow drugs or alcohol to indirectly contaminate my life therefore if he chooses these then he cannot actively be involved in my life or me in his.  

So overall things are good and again I will always have to thank TL for the strength I have today.  I no longer ask what will my family say, I now ask what would TL say :-)

Hope to get back to TL in the near future and please send our love to everyone.